Back to Reality!!!

Hello Reality! I missed you!!! NOT!!! Hahaha. Got back from US a week ago and I must admit, it's been very very very hard to readjust to my original environment. Add the fact that I got badly jetlagged and sick for a week.

Finally I was able to see what the fuss is about, why a lot of people dream of going there. Well, at first I wasn't impressed, especially with the level of superficiality that their culture has. But it growns on you, and I guess it's part of the charm. Everything is so straightforward, and all about improving one's self. Though I'm not sure yet if I'll want to live there for good. But it was a very good experience, and I got to be with a lot of loved ones. ;-)

Now I'm back to my current home. There are a lot of biting realities to face. First of course is the need to get back to office work groove and my impending certification exam. Another one is the job that one of my past colleagues is trying to offer me. Second biggest one is the fact that someone significant from the past will be stepping at my doorstep soon. This is putting me off a bit, and until now I'm still undecided about how I should feel about this. And the most important of all is my application to NZ, my EOI just got selected! Now I'm waiting for the result on whether they will give me the ITA. After this, paperwork mania! I'm quite excited actually. I can't wait to be back together with my sister and family. :D

Well, that's it in a nutshell. Hopefully things will go well in the following weeks. :)

For You

Dear Father,

The inevitable has happened. All circumstances were against us, and we can't fight it anymore. It wore me out, and my heart finally caved in. Unfortunately, I understand why he did what he did. And now it's my turn to act. This time I was the one who finally stepped forward and finally spoke up, somebody had to. We can no longer continue blindly knowing that there's something seriously wrong between us. I've said my goodbyes and am in the process of letting go. He knows the things that I plan to do to move on, we're now patching up before we part ways. Monday we'll see each other, and maybe say our last farewells.

Lord, please help me go through this unscathed. Give me enough courage and strength to pull through alive and still happy. If we're meant to be for each other, please give us a sign. If not, I'll graciously accept what other plans You have for my heart. For whatever You grant me, I'll be thankful.

This I ask in Jesus' name.

Amen

Our Office...

...is really turning into some kind of hell on earth...

Hello there!

Hello my blog! I missed you! Hehehe, I'm currently in a very confused state so I need you right now. I'm confused about so many things, about work, my sorta kinda boyfriend, and why I'm here and not with my family at home. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on the negative. So, I'll just make a bucket list of some of the things that I wanna do while I'm still alive hahaha:

1.) Travel to NZ - done
2.) Travel around Europe
3.) Learn drums
4.) Take swimming lessons
5.) Get married to the person I love most and have kids
6.) Lone travelling - done
7.) Bungy Jump - done
8.) Sky dive

Sunday

Today is Sunday, and it's a cloudy day!!! How ah? How to start this entry lah... :P It's been a rough few weeks at work. Me, Chay, Dax and all my other teammates have been struggling with all of the systems and issues pouring in to our plate. Then, there's our operations going 24/7 and our crappy seating arrangement. Chay and me have requested to move to a more secluded area since we've been having some minor harassment experiences in the office. Our difficult team lead was reluctant to grant the very simple request, and we were quite disappointed because of that. Anyway, I don't wanna dwell on that in this entry.

So all in all, work has been crappy. But somehow, I'm starting to feel better. Not because the situation is improving, but because my mood and outlook is beginning to get brighter. As my guy always says, this is just temporary. It's only work, and we have the type of work that's not really meant to make a person happy, hehe. Which means, I should focus on the more important things, love, friends, my family.

Now, I just pour my energy on one of my favorite hobbies, shopping!!! I'm doing some early christmas shopping for myself, my friends, and family. Great Malaysia Sale is just heaven! I don't even wanna buy things which are 50%, I only buy at 70% off or more hahaha. The sales here don't disappoint. :P

And lately I've been feeling grateful for having someone to share all of my good and bad experiences with. He's made my days more bearable. Talking to him at the end of the day makes me forget all the crappy stuff at work. This is so 8 years ago, but I have to put Dido's Thank You lyrics here, for my happy heart's sake ;-). Can't wait to see you in 3D at home...

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Hope this works :|

I'm a very light sleeper. I can wake up just from my housemate's bathroom's closing door, the vibration of a phone on silent placed on top of a table separate from the bed, even with a very soft skype ping. So here, I searched for some tips to help me cope, especially with our looming 24/7 work hours. Hopefully this will work:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Tips-For-Light-Sleepers

Enough Waiting

I should stop waiting for things that are not coming. This is the absolute deal-breaker. One year is still suffer-able. But two years without any promise, I just can't do it anymore. I need to be strong, for myself and for my future.

Defrost

Time off today!!! I asked my team leader to give me an extra rest day using a bunch of crappy reasons. But since he was a guy, I made sure I looked really nice so he wouldn't say no hahaha. Girl power! Ok, that sounded really lame.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I maximized this day. I woke up at 11:30 am-ish, ate, and cleaned up a bit around the house. Then I decided to clean the 2nd floor ref shared by Dax, me and Chay. Well, it's about time. The freezer part was occupied by mostly ice and some frozen leftover meat which were starting to look like fossils. It felt very rewarding after, I threw all the weird smelling, fungus culture that was spoiled food, and the stuff look organized and neat :P. And for some reason, all that cleaning made me want to de-clutter my life via blogging, so here I am, writing again after a few months of absence.



I've been thinking about my future lately (wow, is this really me???). Nothing too concrete though, just a rough timeline of wishful plans.

First off, I need to do some serious saving. I've accepted the fact that I'll be staying here for a while, since the pay is good, life is cheap, and I'm too lazy to look for a job anywhere else. I need at least 2 years to be able to save up enough and pay off the car at the same time.


Then maybe I'll stay for another 2-3 months. The moolah that I'll get from these extra months, I'll allot to travel and leisure, first stop is to my beloved sister in NZ of course. Then I'll retire from SAP!!! Hahaha!!! After resigning, I'll do a bit of soul (and soulmate) searching, finding work that's really in the line with my passion and skills. These are some of the things that come to mind:

1.) Advertising
2.) Environmental Engineering
3.) Fashion-related work
4.) Architecture
5.) Make up artist
6.) Photographer
7.) Event planner

Hopefully, while I'm thinking of these things, I've invested on some business so that I'll also have a passive income. And there won't come a time when I'll need to sell my soul once I've used up all my hard-earned(?) money.

These are the only things I can think of for now. Told ya it's rough hahaha. Nevertheless, I'll pray as hard as I can for this. Lord help me...

Pondering On A Rainy Day

It's been raining since last night. Everyone's out to do one thing or another. I'm left at home because of some low key work so this is the perfect opportunity to sit back, relax and just write whatever's on my mind... Wow, this is harder than I thought haha.
Let me start with what I've been doing today. I woke up at 5:30 to do my activity. My colleague was a bit late so we triggered the job (that's what we call it in my technology) around 40 minutes behind. No worries though, after that, things went smoothly. Then I went back to sleep. Since I'm a light sleeper, I woke up once I started hearing noises outside my room. Looks like people are starting to get ready for the busy tour ahead. Again, I tried to go back to sleep. Tsong shouted at my door, saying that they'll be leaving. I answered a very sleepy "Sige ingat, enjoy...".

Hay Tsong... So you're the first failed conquest that I had here in Malaysia. So sad how badly you handled the situation. You said some very hurtful, unnecessary words. I'm not sure if that was really how you felt or you just panicked at the situation, because I must admit, I was asking too much too early. Either way, I dismiss this as irreversible and now it will be very hard to break down the wall between us. I've learned from the past and I don't want to be treated like a doormat ever again.

Anyway... While waiting for work to complete. I was able to pamper myself. Just ate something light, bread and cream cheese plus coffee. Read Elle, I mean, really read the articles, not the the usual scanning of fasyon whatnots. To my surprise, the articles of this mag are really good and insightful. There's an article about how the upbringing of parents unconsciously affects decisions that you make in your adulthood. Though there wasn't really anything that resembled mine, it had me thinking how so far my choices are related to how my Mama and Papa brought me up.

My mother was no doubt a fortress. She would pull through every tight and difficult situation. Despite lack of resources, she would be able to maximize every little thing that we own. She would stretch every peso and find ways to make ends meet. She knew that me and my sister were academically inclined so she enrolled us in schools with scholarships, free but quality education. And despite odds, she would retain her tall, strong and proud composure. On the other hand, I'm very sorry to say, but I really think that my father was the weaker link of the pair (I hope he doesn't get to read this). Don't get me wrong. He's a very good man, with good intentions. Everybody loves him and he gave me my crazy sense of humor, one of my best weapons in life. But he lacked the ambition and the foresight to have a better future for our family. When he gets to hold a huge amount of money, he would squander it. Give some to me and my sibs, buy stuff we want but not really need, then spend the rest on his vices. He wouldn't think first of paying bills, or spending it on some money-generating cause. Family is not his main priority. He didn't even come to my elementary and high school graduation if I remember correctly. That's just how he thinks, we just eventually learned to live with it. Ironically, despite his happy-go-lucky ways, he had very high standards for us, especially me and my sister. He couldn't stand tutoring us with school lessons because he didn't have enough patience for dim-wittedness. He taught us how to sing. But whenever we sang well during practices, he wouldn't congratulate us. He would just say "Ok, good", then walk away. Because of this, though I know I have a decent voice and I love music, I don't really enjoy singing as much as other performers do. A bit sad really. With him, I learned to be a disciplined person. "Always be on yours toes!", "Have a sense of urgency!", "Do your best, expect the worst!". He would say things like that. He taught me pessimism that would push you to do your best because you'll be too afraid of bad consequences.

But it's fine, I grew up to be a fairly good person (I think :P). I became a very independent person, too independent actually. Too guarded. I find it a bit hard to ask for help. I'm quite private, sharing very personal experiences doesn't come too easily for me. Maybe I too have standards that are a bit higher that the usual. I can't help it.

I also took a long shower, cleaned my nails, lounge around the house. I'll finally try the Clarins mattifying set that I got as a Christmas gift for myself, so excited. And to cap off my day, I'll open that bottle of chocolate liquor that I grabbed from the airport. Not a bad way to spend a day at home "working", hahaha. In between, I was even able to plan and book flights for my ASEAN tour with my sister. Very productive day indeed! :D

False Alarm

Well, that was something else, hahaha. Looks like I've really changed a lot. Maybe 1 year ago, I would have never done what I did yesterday. I'm not a very confrontational person, I'll usually just stay quiet until things blow over.

But this time, I just couldn't contain my feelings, especially under the circumstances. I had to talk and figure it out with him as soon as possible. Nevertheless, I think it went just fine. I got my answer, I felt the pain, then I got over it. I'm so amazed at myself for handling this with such a level head. And good thing that I was able to put out the fire before it spread all over my sanity. This is another one I'll charge to experience.

"Forgive all that hurt you, forget none that helped you."

Random New Year Whatnots

2011. For some reason, I'm not too excited for this year. The number 2011 feels so blah for me. Nevertheless, I'll do what I can to make the most of it. 2010 was great, tons of travel, met a lot of new people, fell in and out and in like (go figure). And of course, I got an opportunity to work abroad, one of the best experiences of my life so far.

2011. Before it ended I was able to go to my home country, my boss is simply the best. She gave me 1.5 weeks worth of leaves despite my meager 1.5 months of being employed. I had the chance to be with my family and friends. Though I might say, its gonna probably take a while before I go back home. It was quite stressful. My homecoming was a bit premature. I haven't been away from home long enough to miss even the things that I hated, hehe.

2011. Yes, I met someone else. Someone unexpected. It's all still quite new so I don't know what to make of it yet. All I can say is that we've become a bit more than comfortable with each other. I'll just leave it at that.

2011. I don't have high expectations for you, but I'll compensate it with my efforts. So please make something out of yourself. :)

Confusion @_@

No, NOOOOO!!! I don't like this problem! I'm having issues with my focus. :'(

Easily Distracted

I now understand why long distance relationships don't work. If one or both in that pair goes to a place where there are a lot of good things to come by, he/she can get easily distracted. I'm feeling very guilty of this right now. I'm honestly having great time here, the change in environment, culture and faces is very refreshing. Well, I can't deny that I'm having quite a blast meeting people and discovering a new side of myself. It's quite fun to be very social sometimes. I take advantage of it when I'm in the mood to be extra spontaneous and fun. But I still know that I have to tread carefully especially in a foreign place like this. I don't wanna risk losing good friends, so caution is required.

To help clear my mind, I decided to paint a mural on my wall. Just a tree and fixture paintings, I've already made sketches. This is a good outlet for me, I really enjoyed the last time that I painted a mural on my wall. I hope this one comes out great. I'm aiming for a relaxing garden ambiance for my room as a result.

P.S. The D'Melor guard is starting to look at me funny whenever I get dropped off at home. Hey, it's not my fault that I don't have a car here and I have to hitch a ride home everyday lah. :P

MC Hammer

I went on MC today (our company's version for SL). I went to the office with a slight headache, so I took medicol to ease the pain. As the minutes passed, it started getting worse. My right eye was throbbing, my left eye was twitching, and my brain felt so heavy. I was getting dizzy and my stomach was turning upside down. It turned out to become an all-out migraine attack. So I called Jannie to ask for permission to go home and texted Razman that I had to take the rest of the day off as soon as he gets back to the office. Pritam, who was our boss from SG, was kind enough to send me back (in Malaysia, send back is equivalent to send home). So here I am, blogging, hahaha! Why? Because I drank two cups of coffee earlier! So despite my 50 kg head, I couldn't sleep. My mind is racing even with eyelids this heavy. I'll just list down the things that I need to do:

- Make sketch of my room
- Paint room
- Look for a matching couch and lampshades (table and stand lamp)
- Shop for pasalubong and gifts

Hay, I missing someone right now. This is bad, something very unexpected. Lord, please help get to rest.

Losing sleep

I can't sleep. Maybe because of the nap that I had earlier. My head was in shambles earlier today, I badly needed the rest. I'm also thinking too much. I've been really busy with the EPCOS maintenance, especially with Jannie gone, brain cells are fried. Good thing Shapuan is my shiftmate, he's been a huge help.

My license has also gone missing, I can't remember where I put it. Hopefully Dax remembers to ask the guard at the embassy tomorrow about it. Or maybe Kido, Sec, or Caress remembers where I placed it. Else I'll be driving without a license when I get back home.

I've also been losing sleep over my other life issues that I don't really want to discuss here. Gosh, 4:30 am and I'm still wide awake. This is so not me.

Nuninu

Free time in the office, no boss, nothing to do, not in the mood for chitchat. I'll blog for now. Hmmm... It's been almost 4 weeks since I got here, I'm starting to feel settled. How am I feeling, like sentiments...? I don't know! I feel odd, adrift. For some reason, I'm always sleepy here! It's like I'm living a dream, the literal meaning. Again, I'm not lonely, I just feel like I'm living a life that I'm just watching from outside a bubble. I can't explain myself!!! Hahaha. Whatever, I want to shop!!! Stuff to make my room livelier, my closet more exciting :P. Payday please come...

My Journey Thus Far

I need to talk to mama and papa about the car payment again. Running out of funds, hahaha. But I'm not really worried. Hopefully in December everything will be returned. I can't wait for my first payday!

These are some of the luxuries that I'm planning to indulge on:

- Round trip ticket home
- LCD/LED TV
- Kindle
- Cellphone (with plan?)
- Travel!!!
- Book my parents and brother for a vacation here!!!

I must admit, I'm having a good time here. It's quiet, laid back and the country's governing systems are quite efficient. Though it's been a while since I've been to a first world country, Malaysia gets my vote to be a first world country too.

For my company, it's also not that bad. Right now I feel that the employees are their priority, hopefully that won't change.

We got a very good deal with our apartment. It's a penthouse and the rooms are huge, I'm itching to redecorate mine!



I also the love food, and they also say that store sales give really good bargains. I just can't wait! Haaay, I can officially say that I love it here.

Pardon my enthusiasm. I'm still in the "honeymoon" stage of my stay here and I haven't felt much homesickness. :P

So....

I've been here for 4 days. So far I've had no problems with homesickness. It's actually a bit disturbing since not a single tear has been shed for missing home. But I'm feeling something unsettling though. Detachment. I feel as though I'm just living in one big dream. But I'm not sad at all, in truth I'm quite happy and excited with the change of environment. Still, this detached feeling is really bugging me. As if I'm lacking emotions, especially as a girl.

Oh well, I'll just have to wait and see if this will change. If not, I guess this part of my life will be a sort of layover until the next destination.

In Malaysia Truly Asia

I'm here!!! So far I've been having a good time. Not the crazy type. Everything has been so relaxed, starting from my departure day. Good vibes all the way. When I arrived at D'Melor, there was a "Welcome Inuman" going on. And as I am a big drinker myself, I dove right in. Alcoholic drinks are scarce in Malaysia so we took advantage of this opportunity to let lose through vodka and beer. The next morning, Filipinos from other units and condos gathered in our apartment to watch the Pacquiao match, he won by the way (sorry I'm not really a big fan of boxing :P). Along with Many's victory, Caress' birthday and we celebrated my arrival (again :P).

After that, I went to the mall with Maricris to buy some supplies. I'm still lost in transit though, transportation here is not as easy as PI commute where there's tons of public transportation available. Here, there are only buses which only pass by every 30 minutes to an hour. In addition, it's right hand drive here and the orientation of the roads is opposite to that in the Philippines so I need to be very careful when crossing the streets. Cars are also very fast here, because there's not much traffic going on.

The ambiance here is very relaxed, so relaxed that I slept for 13 hours last night and woke up at almost 12 noon! This is the first time in a while that I was able to sleep that long and I took this as a good sign that I'm at home here despite the difference in environment.


Tomorrow I'm gonna start work, and I'm hoping that it will go as well as it has since yesterday. Good luck to me! :)

Packed For My Next Destination!

Well almost. :P I've packed all of the major stuff that I'll be needing. I've been trying to gather my things for the past three weeks, but my delays made me put off buying a luggage. I started to segregate my clothes and whatnot's last weekend. I've already put pang-alis and office clothes in my bag last Saturday. Today I semi-finished packing the rest of the things. I must admit, I'm not really sure if I'm bringing the most sensible pieces that I have. They said that the the dress code there is just casual, you can even wear jeans everyday. But as have a flair for the fasyon, I can't help but pack my latest and trendiest clothes. I'm really hoping that I can pull off wearing the wardrobe that I brought. They're really, really nice. Mama even made me five new pieces to bring there, I love each and every one of them! I'll wear the simple white one on my departure, though I think the look will definitely get defeated by my huge teenage mutant ninja turtle green backpack haha!

By the way, my housemate-to-be Len already contacted me because we needed to get the down payment settled. She informed me that we got a penthouse apartment that had four rooms, each with its own bathroom. And it's in a really cozy villa/compound with a swimming pool! How cool is that?!?! Then my other future housemate Dax sent me the pictures of the apartment, OMG I was in awe, it's worth the RM875 per month. The furnishings are nice and IT WAS HUGE!!! Now I really can't wait to get there!!!

Here is Dax's pitch for the place (copied and pasted), very nice:

Welcome to D'Melor Condominium

This is the view of the pool from Sec's, Kido's and Caress's balcony. Landscaped garden surrounding the pool and the residential blocks, well-maintained swimming pool with fountain, beside the club house, where you can find a bar, sauna and steam bath (free use) if you need to relax.

Inside: F-202: Come home to this spacious penthouse unit, comprised of 4 bedrooms + 1 maid's quarters, each b/r is furnished with bed, A/C, lighting, and has its own toilet and bath, with heater; has two living rooms (lower floor and upper floor), main and dirty kitchens, laundry area, and dining room.

kitchen: includes fridge, microwave, 2-burner gas stove, gas pipe centralized in the block, stove exhaust to chimney, 2 pairs of sinks, oven. spacious kitchen counter, right beside the laundry area

living room: includes everything you see here except the shoes and the people hahaha, center table will be replaced by the owner. Two-level curtain hangers

dining room: good for 4, classic table and chairs for 4, with chandelier over it, beside the lower balcony

lower balcony: includes outdoor tables and chairs overlooking Cyberjaya roads and night lights, perfect for serenades and/or dousing the serenaders with liquid from your chamber pots.

First bedroom: The only room downstairs aside from the maid's quarters, with own restroom, A/C and study area

Maid's quarters: also has its own japanese-style restroom, no A/C, but can fit a bed, enough for 1

Penthouse staircase to family room

Family room: (upper living room), includes electronic piano keyboard, another fridge, A/C, shelves, right beside the upper balcony.

As this condo unit occupies 2 floors, there are also 2 doors per floor to get into and out of the unit. This is the upper door.

Second bedroom: Room with single bed, ceiling fan, A/C, walk-in closet, bed, toilet and bath

Third bedroom: includes, light, ceiling fan, A/C, closet, double-sized bed, study table and chair, and t/b.

This t/b also has a door from the family room, which means this can also serve as a common bathroom for visitors in the family room, but can also be locked for exclusive use of the room tenant

Fourth room: this is the master's bedroom, with fan, A/C, queen size bed, lighting, walk-in closet, study table and chairs, toilet, bath tub and shower, with a pair of bathroom sinks