How I get through the past weeks

I've been really bummed out these past two weeks. All the waiting is driving me crazy!!! Fortunately I found my saving grace :D

This insanely hilarious sitcom keeps me sane!!! Hehehe. I can't even choose a single favorite character, they're all really funny! Ok, back to watching the freshly downloaded episodes... :D

Waiting...

...for the next big thing. Lord, please grant me this one...

Smile :)

Smile though your heart is aching

Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

Preparing for preparations

I'm here at Mocha Blends, middle-of-nowhere branch. I was planning to do some brushing up on my technical know-hows. Unfortunately, my brain is simply not working. Maybe I'm tired and I don't realize it. This green notebook of IT gibberish has been in front of me for almost an hour and I haven't absorbed a single concept. I'm reviewing for a very important interview on Monday. One of those things that I want so much that I haven't even told my closest friends about it, to avoid jinxing. I'm just trying to adhere by the rule that if you want to achieve a goal, don't be a blabbermouth about it. Tell only the ones who are directly involved in your plans. So the only persons who know it are M******s(she was the one who first told me about the job opening),R****l(he passed my resume to the HR) and C**y (a fellow applicant). I want this so so bad!!! I'll do my best to push this through, swear.

But since my brain is in a halt, I'm here blogging. Probably some online window shopping might help then some episodes of Fringe when I get home. Hopefully tomorrow, my head will be in a much better condition for some serious studying.

Lord, please help me.

Thinking Positively

I refuse! I refuse to let this consume me! Law of Averages, back me up here!!!

Tribute to Travel Adik Tropa

Lately I've been feeling quite grounded. I worry less, I feel lighter and happier, and I treat the people around me better. I've gained a renewed appreciation for life. I have my new friends to thank for this. They are the ones that I've been traveling with recently. Like me, they have a severe infection of the travel and shutter bug. Being with them made me see beauty in even the smallest and simplest things, and this translates to the photos we take. That's why we can't put down our cameras every time we set foot anywhere. There's just so much wonder that can be captured. :)

Apo Reef Retreat

Travel and travel photography. These are two of my favorite things. Two passions that keep me sane. For my last trip someone even bothered to buy the photos that I took, how cool is that? Unfortunately, I was crappy to talk to and didn't have a paypal account so it didn't push through. But the thought of my shots getting a value other than for personal enjoyment, it really lifted my heart. :D




Next year I plan to go on out of the country adventures, something that I've been dreaming of my entire life. Right now, I'm gathering all my energy to free myself from DOST. These are my prospects, two destinations in a year would probably do:

1.) IndoChina - check!
2.) Japan
3.) US
4.) New Zealand
5.) Australia
6.) Europe - Putting this at the last spot since this will definitely take some great powers to achieve. And also, I'm hoping that by the time I'm able to do this, there will already be a special someone I can share it with. :)

In Betweens

For me, in-betweens are the hardest periods in life. In between jobs, in between singlehood and a true relationship, sadness and happiness. It's during these times that I get most confused. Suddenly I have options but don't know which to choose or whether it's worth it to take the leap of faith. But ultimately, I just pray hard and take things as they come then no longer look back.

Oh rainy season, you're so not helping...

How do I get out of this?

I already know how this will end. I need to get out as soon as I can. Lord, help me...

When the good days come...

..take advantage of it. This is one of those days, I took a sick leave since I was not feeling well... NOT!!! Hahaha. This was kinda planned, but I did not tell my "plan" to my teammates, because I read in a magazine that you can better achieve a goal if you don't tell a soul. I can't remember the whole complex explanation, but I think it goes something like if you tell someone, it already feels like you've already done something, when in fact you have not. And if you don't tell anyone and you do achieve your goal, the magnitude of the gratifications are n times better. Haha, I hope I understood correctly. So from now on, I'll restrain myself from being such a blabber with my goals in life. Today, my objective is simply to take a breather. I haven't taken any leaves for weeks now and working 5 days a week, though a norm, is still quite taxing. And I'm glad I did it, my mood today is contemplative and laid back. If I get into the groove, I'll try to sort whatever it is I feel like sorting today.

On another note, I got a postcard from Soli!!! And it adds to my already good mood:


Thanks Soli, you're so sweet :)

Lowest of lows

All-time low. Hindi ko talaga kinakaya ito. Lord, please help me get through this.

Just another day

I miss you... Otro dia mas sin verte... :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSqPbZnVjXQ

Rut

There is something wrong with me. A telltale sign is my urge to shop like it's payday twice a week. Today after buying another expensive item that I can't get my mind off since last night, I discovered that my credit card is maxed out! This only means that I'm in a highly severe RUT. For the last few weeks, I've been buying clothes that I have no idea where to wear, bottles of expensive perfumes, and loading my car with gas so I can unnecessarily go anywhere and everywhere.

I usually go on a spending spree whenever I need to distract myself from things that I should be doing or when there's some emotional baggage being dragged around. This time it's both. I've been putting off updating my resume and sending it out to the world. I should have done it weeks ago, but it's just like putting off review for board exam which is still months away. No hurries, until you realize how little time you have left! Ok, now I'm really disturbed. Then there's my issue with you being so far away, and the minimal communication we've been having. Ai ai ai, I'm at a loss.

Nevertheless, I feel that I'm not yet recovered from this phase of wrongness. I just can't resist the gravitational pull of pretty designer cuties, hahaha. Come what may. Let's see what happens to my bank account in the coming days.

On a different note, I found these vadalisms on an Eng'g CR. My gulay! I thought these thingscan only be found in AS. I thought Eng'g students nowadays are a bunch ofgoody two shoes. Good job ladies! :D

Mahal na Araw sa Arayat

Ilang taon na din mula nung huli naming dalaw sa Arayat para sa Mahal na Araw. Pumupunta kami dito para makasama ang mga kamag-anak namin... at para makakuha ng masarap na buro, longganisa, tocino, gulay at bigas, hahaha!

Pero nag-iba na talaga ang mga panahon. Naabutan ko pa yung mga sinaunang araw kung saan nakakasakay pa kami ng mga kalabaw bilang transportasyon. Hindi pa rin gaanong patag ang mga kalsada noon, bonggang bongga lang talaga.

Sa araw nagtatakbuhan at naglalaro kami sa mga maalikabok na kakahuyan ng Gatiawin. Haha, OA, hindi naman talaga ganon kasukal, puro mababang halaman lang naman ang nandoon. Sa gabi naman nagtatakbuhan at naglalaro kami sa mga maalikabok na kakahuyan ng Gatiawin. Haha labo. Nagbabaraha din kami, syempre peborit namin ang walang kamatayang 1-2-3 pass, at bilang parusa, mamumula ang mukha mo sa lipstick, o mamumuti sa johnson's baby powder. At highlight ng araw namin, ang mga nagsasalibatbat sa kalsada! Pag may dadaang nagsasalibatbat nagkakagulo na kaming mga makukulit na bubwit. Masaya kasi, maraming klase ang makikita mo. Andyan yung nagtatambling sabay blag! Hagalpak sa lapag! Ilang beses kaya nila kelangan gawin yun hanggang sa makarating sa simbahan? Meron din yung nanghahabol at nangangain ng mga usiserong bata gaya namin, haha. Pag ganun yung dumaan, ay kasaya naman talaga. Meron yung parang earth worm lang, gapang sa lapag pero kakaiba gapang niya, hindi ko ma-describe. At meron din namang normal lang, naglalakad habang hinahampas yung likod niya ng dahon na may food color na red. Kunwari matindi na ang pasakit na natamo niya sa maghapong pagpepenitensya at mapapatawad na siya.

Tapos pag lumalalim na ang gabi, maglalamyerda na. Kakain ng mga fish balls, palaka, bibingka, day-old chick at kung anu-ano pang mga pagkain na pwede bilhin sa paligid ng mga nagpapasyon at abot-kaya ng mga barya sa bulsa namin. Hanggang sa matapos ang ilang araw ng pabasa ganon lang buhay namin. Sa huling araw mamamalengke na ang mga nanay para sa mga iuuwi sa Maynila.


Ay! Muntik ko nang makalimutan. Swimming sa Banyo! Hindi eto yung banyo=kubeta. Banyo lang tawag sa place. May resort dun na may apat ata o limang pool. Tapos yung isa dun yung main attraction, may natural water falls kasi, refreshing (chez!). At dahil nasa Pampanga yon, nagkalat ang pagkain. May nagbebenta ng inihaw na mais, barbecue, tapos nahuhulog lang sa mga puno ang mga kasoy at duhat. Pero siyempre magbabaon naman kami ng maraming marami ding pagkain. Sa kasamaang palad, ang huling balita ay nagka-land slide daw doon kaya napapaligiran na siya ng mga evacuees at hindi na kaaya-ayang puntahan sa kasalukuyang panahon. :(

Ayun, ganun gawain namin nung mga paslit pa kami, magpakalat-kalat lang sa Arayat at pasakitin ulo ng mga matatanda sa kakahanap sa amin. Habang tumatanda, nagkakaroon din ng mga pagbabago bilang palatandaan ng pag-asenso, hehehe. Naging pusoy o pusoy dos na ang mga laro sa baraha. Barya na ang pot, hindi drawing sa mukha. Sinasama na kami nila Mama sa palengke at pwede na kaming pumili ng klase ng buro at longganisa. Tapos ayun, may nag-debut, nag-asawa, nag-debut, nag-asawa, nag-abroad, nag-asawa, nag-abroad, nag-stay, bumalik galing abroad, tumaba, pumayat at kung anu-ano pa. In short, sadyang malaki pamilya nila Mama, kaya marami talagang nangyayari, haha.

At tuwing uuwi ka, bilang pag-welcome isa sa mga ito ang welcome message:
a.) Kamusta:

a.1) Tumaba ka!

a.2) Ang taba mo ngayon!

b.) Kamusta:

b.1) Pumayat ka ha!

b.2) Ang seksi mo ngayon! (ehem, haha joke lang)

Basta to that effect, nakaka-touch.

Pero ngayon, matatanda na sila (wahaha!), marami na ang nag-iba. Unang una, ang KJ nung pari doon! Tapusin ba ang pabasa ng Miyerkules?! Eh Huwebes pa lang ang simula ng bakasyon noh. Labo talaga. Dumayo pa kami sa ibang bayan para kumain ng isaw, hahaha. Pangalawa... basta maraming nagbago, hahaha!

Syempre andun pa din naman ang mga minamahal kong pinsan at tiyo/tiya dun. Pero wala na ang mga kapanabayan kong mga pinsan/pamangkin dun, naka-move on na sila, kasama na yung Ate ko. Ngunit bilang kapalit, kongkreto na ang mga bahay at semento na ang lahat ng kalsada dun! At para nang hotel yung evolved form ng ancestral house dun, ang dami nang air-conditioned na kwarto at may wi-fi pa! O diba??? Hahaha. Pero sana magkasabay-sabay ng uwi ang mga tao para makapag-bonding na ulit kami, kahit di ako marunong mag-kapampangan :P.

Sige Mount Arayat, hanggang sa susunod, paalam! :)

Midnight Train to Georgia

I'm very very sleepy. But I don't want to go to sleep, I want to miss you. And I am missing you... terribly. I hate and love this feeling. What are you doing right now? Please let me know. Please please don't be a stranger. If you want, I'm gonna board the midnight train. Just tell me.

Quiapo QT

Tomorrow I'll be going to Quiapo to buy a bunch of rolls for my stash. Lately I've been a film pack rat. Still have more than ten rolls of 36exp kodaks and now I plan to get 20 more of 12exp films, haha. I'm quite excited though, hehehe, kilig even. Kuya Dong just texted me yesterday that he has new stocks of expired films, and the ones available are 400ISO so it should be good. Sorry, but shooting with my film cam makes me freakishly happy, I feel like it brings out the creative weirdo in me @_@.

I also plan to score some ukay ukay finds. The last time that I went to Quiapo, I managed to buy a bunch of good ukay stuff, I think 30 items for 500 pesos. Wahaha, steal!

Quiapo day = Reloading my stash + satisfying my fashionista appetite = Perfect!
Tomorrow I plan to do the same. I love Quiapo! :D

Taking it in

I'm just here in my room, looking through my window. I see the sunlight trying to make its way through the mango tree branches. Beyond our wall is a wide vacant lot with grass just starting to grow.


This morning I woke up with mixed emotions, somber yet happy at the same time. When I went downstairs, I felt a lot better, just happy. Mama doing some exercise, Papa and Yamboy interwebbing, Ate Vilma clearing the yard. I went to our patio and sat for a while, just breathing in the fresh air. Papa was playing Frank Sinatra songs, it almost brought me to tears. Beautiful morning. :)

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you, if you’re young at heart... :)

Ericsson Team Building - Ahlavet!!!

Sa wakas, isang masaya-sayang entry. Kakatapos lang ng team building namin nitong nakaraang weekend. Hindi ko na talaga mapagkakaila na sobrang napapasaya ako ng mga kasamahan ko sa trabaho. Lalo na ngayong may mga dumagdag pa na galing din sa huli kong kumpanya. Mga kaibigan ko ding malapit. Dahil sa kanila, nagagawa kong kalimutan ang mga kaguluhan sa utak ko.








Nagkakasundo talaga kami lahat sa kalokohan, no dull moment baga. Mapa-wholesome o mapa-bastusan ang usapan at biruan, kering keri. Hindi ko na alam kung ano pa pwede ko masabi, basta nagpapasalamat ako ng lubos at pinagpala ako na magkaroon ng mga kasamang kasing tarantado ko. :P :D

Change starts now

Starting this moment I resolve to be a better person. I'm not oblivious as to how my temper can really get the most of me and yes, I can be a total jerk.

I'm an especially bigger jerk to people in the house, I can't help it. I just don't like talking too much at home. Although, I do like hanging around the house, oftentimes I want to be left alone. But I swear to improve the way I handle myself and my treatment to my family.

I also got reprimanded by a friend because of my recent addiction to cars. For the longest time, I was the only social girl in our team so I had to blend in with my guy teammates. And also, most of us got cars at the same period so we would go on and on and on talking about them, discounting the people around us. In doing so, I unconsciously acquired the cocky masculine way that they talked. Then one of my close girlfriends from HP got hired in the team. Getting to the point, one day I confessed an auto-related encounter that I had (I'm not mentioning it here since I'm not very proud of it myself). Then she told me the best way she could on the change that she noticed because of my car enthusiasm. In a nutshell, she told me that although people that know me may not judge me on how I talk about cars since I'm a nice person at some level, strangers may not be very forgiving if they hear the way I go on about it. And apparently, although it is ok for guys to be like that, it's not becoming for a lady like me to flaunt my new addiction the way I did before. So yeah, I'm trying my best to hold my tongue on these things and I'm glad she was honest enough to tell it to me.

Nightmares

I've been having terrible nightmares since monday. I don't know where these are coming from. Probably the heat, or you leaving, or my quarter life crisis. I really don't know.

Monday. I can't remember the exact dream, but I woke up with a very foul mood.
Tuesday. I dreamt that my tycoon level uncle lost his job. Then his family lost all their belongings and had to transfer to a smaller house near a squatter's area.

Wednesday. That same uncle died. And they were blaming it on his wife who, in my dream, was still alive. But in reality she was actually dead. Apparently, my uncle had a stroke during his sleep but my aunt thought he was just moaning because of a nightmare so she just shrugged it off. But it was already a severe heart attack and by the time my aunt woke up, he was dead.

In the dream, my family was already in shock and just heard the news. But since I own this dream, I was able to recap everything, saw what happened as if I was just floating in my aunt and uncle's room, witnessed his awful seizure and how my aunt just ignored it. What's more disturbing was that she was dead in the waking world. And in my dream the family that he left behind were thinking how they're gonna live without my uncle, the breadwinner of the family. How they're gonna pay for the house, the cars and other heavy expenses.

Then the latest, I dreamt of a pregnant girl (strangely portrayed by Rufa Mae Quinto) who, though she wanted to keep her baby, was pressured by her family to have an abortion. Eventually she kept it. But when she gave birth, it was a blue baby. And to make it worse, she conceived twins, two dead babies. :( Same night, I dreamt that the managers in the office gave us free snacks so we all ate heartily. Little did we know that in exchange for that cheap food was 230% utilization target! Sheesh, talk about a twisted version of Hansel and Gretel! It's so odd and creepy to think that my subconscious worries about my number of work hours.

Whenever I wake up I feel the weight in my chest and I have to stare in silence and breathe heavily for about 10 minutes. Lord help me, I'll make more frequent prayers.