wala lang

wala lang. nakakapagod mag-isip nang mag-isip tungkol sa madami mong dapat na ginagawa pero hindi ka naman kumikilos at in the end, you accomplish nothing but still you end up being tired and drained. sakit na ng ulo ko.

Shiver

So I look in your direction
but you pay me no attention do you
I know you don't listen to me
Cause you say you see straight through me don't you

But on and on, from the moment I wake
till the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line
just to see if you care

Did you want me to change
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know
That you'll always get your way
I wanted to say

Don't you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me do you
And is this my final chance of getting you

But on and on, from the moment I wake
'Till the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side
Just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line
Just to see if you care

Did you want me to change
Well I changed for good
And I want you to know
That you'll always get your way
I wanted to say

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
For you
I will always be waiting

And it's you I see
But you don't see me
And it's you I hear
So loud and clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

-coldplay

*naapektuhan ako, grabe

Hay naku, nararamdaman ko yung eksaktong naramdaman ko nung 4th year hayskul ako, kaya nga hindi ako pumunta sa grad ball namin. Yung pakiramdam na nagsawa na ako sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko, na parang nagiging routine na lang ang lahat, ayoko na ng ginagawa ko, kelangan ko na ng panibagong setting ng buhay ko, ayoko nang makita ang skul ko ang ang mga tao dito (maliban sa mga kaibigan ko). Parang nagiging joke ang lahat, at matatawa na lang ako at sasabihin sa sariling "Ano ba talaga pinaggagagawa mo ha?!". Nakakatawa naman, 4 years din ang pinalipas bago ko maramdaman ito ulit. Kagabi nagpapakalat-kalat ako sa mall, at habang naglalakad ako nakita ko ang mga bagay na tunay na gusto kong gawin o makamit sa buhay ko at syempre, naiyak na naman ako. Nung hayskul pa lang, tinatanong ko na ang sarili ko kung tama ba ang pinili kong field, pinilit ko ang sarili kong mag-oo. Sa bagay ito naman lang talaga ang pinaka-ayos para sa akin among the sciences...pero science nga ba ang gusto ko? Nakakainis kasi kapag naiisip ko ngayon, it's just a matter of not having a choice, I simply didn't have the luxury of choosing what I really want to do. Pwede rin namang masyado akong naging duwag para gawin ang gusto ko dahil talaga namang may kapalit yun na importante rin naman sa akin.Basta, kapag nagka-anak ako, hindi ko siya pipiliting mag-aral ng mga bagay na hindi naman talaga niya ikasasaya. Pero ngayon, wala na, masyadong na akong tumanda, eto na, tanggapin na lang. Pakiramdam ko ginagawa ko na lang ang lahat dahil dapat ko itong gawin at ito ang "tama" na landasin. Wateber, tatapusin ko na lang muna itong hinayupak na kursong to at magbo-board exam tapos saka ko na lang aayusin ang mga bagay-bagay sa buhay ko.

Peste, Christmas pa naman, lalo pa naman akong nagiging unstable at sabog pag dumadating ang panahong ito. Ang abnormal ko talaga, bad trip.