Let me start with what I've been doing today. I woke up at 5:30 to do my activity. My colleague was a bit late so we triggered the job (that's what we call it in my technology) around 40 minutes behind. No worries though, after that, things went smoothly. Then I went back to sleep. Since I'm a light sleeper, I woke up once I started hearing noises outside my room. Looks like people are starting to get ready for the busy tour ahead. Again, I tried to go back to sleep. Tsong shouted at my door, saying that they'll be leaving. I answered a very sleepy "Sige ingat, enjoy...".Hay Tsong... So you're the first failed conquest that I had here in Malaysia. So sad how badly you handled the situation. You said some very hurtful, unnecessary words. I'm not sure if that was really how you felt or you just panicked at the situation, because I must admit, I was asking too much too early. Either way, I dismiss this as irreversible and now it will be very hard to break down the wall between us. I've learned from the past and I don't want to be treated like a doormat ever again.
Anyway... While waiting for work to complete. I was able to pamper myself. Just ate something light, bread and cream cheese plus coffee. Read Elle, I mean, really read the articles, not the the usual scanning of fasyon whatnots. To my surprise, the articles of this mag are really good and insightful. There's an article about how the upbringing of parents unconsciously affects decisions that you make in your adulthood. Though there wasn't really anything that resembled mine, it had me thinking how so far my choices are related to how my Mama and Papa brought me up.
My mother was no doubt a fortress. She would pull through every tight and difficult situation. Despite lack of resources, she would be able to maximize every little thing that we own. She would stretch every peso and find ways to make ends meet. She knew that me and my sister were academically inclined so she enrolled us in schools with scholarships, free but quality education. And despite odds, she would retain her tall, strong and proud composure. On the other hand, I'm very sorry to say, but I really think that my father was the weaker link of the pair (I hope he doesn't get to read this). Don't get me wrong. He's a very good man, with good intentions. Everybody loves him and he gave me my crazy sense of humor, one of my best weapons in life. But he lacked the ambition and the foresight to have a better future for our family. When he gets to hold a huge amount of money, he would squander it. Give some to me and my sibs, buy stuff we want but not really need, then spend the rest on his vices. He wouldn't think first of paying bills, or spending it on some money-generating cause. Family is not his main priority. He didn't even come to my elementary and high school graduation if I remember correctly. That's just how he thinks, we just eventually learned to live with it. Ironically, despite his happy-go-lucky ways, he had very high standards for us, especially me and my sister. He couldn't stand tutoring us with school lessons because he didn't have enough patience for dim-wittedness. He taught us how to sing. But whenever we sang well during practices, he wouldn't congratulate us. He would just say "Ok, good", then walk away. Because of this, though I know I have a decent voice and I love music, I don't really enjoy singing as much as other performers do. A bit sad really. With him, I learned to be a disciplined person. "Always be on yours toes!", "Have a sense of urgency!", "Do your best, expect the worst!". He would say things like that. He taught me pessimism that would push you to do your best because you'll be too afraid of bad consequences.
But it's fine, I grew up to be a fairly good person (I think :P). I became a very independent person, too independent actually. Too guarded. I find it a bit hard to ask for help. I'm quite private, sharing very personal experiences doesn't come too easily for me. Maybe I too have standards that are a bit higher that the usual. I can't help it.
I also took a long shower, cleaned my nails, lounge around the house. I'll finally try the Clarins mattifying set that I got as a Christmas gift for myself, so excited. And to cap off my day, I'll open that bottle of chocolate liquor that I grabbed from the airport. Not a bad way to spend a day at home "working", hahaha. In between, I was even able to plan and book flights for my ASEAN tour with my sister. Very productive day indeed! :D
