One year since my last post eh? Well, what do I have to show for myself since? I'll try to bulletize it first. Since April I have:
- "Broken up" with my former giant loser of a boy... whatever he was. He was one persistent son of a bitch, and just couldn't stop getting in touch and "staying friends" with me. Well, after a few runs of "Kelangan ko ng space" dramas, we're finally no longer in contact at all, which is of my own doing (wrote him an email, almost begging him to burn whatever bridge is still left between us). Well, I guess that really was the last wish and only thing that he could do for me after everything that happened in between.
- In the midst of that loveshit flurry, I did what I always do when I'm about to breakdown. I hibernate while looking for some drastic form of escape, not the destructive kind. In this case, I tried to look for a job in another company. Back then I thought that by doing this, I can just leave everything behind then start fresh as when I just got out of college. What came out of my jobhunt? Later...
- Still in the middle, someone else came along. This one is really hard to crack. He was the total opposite of my "ex". He's a quiet, reserved, simple, good-natured guy, too nice actually. You won't find a trace of malice in him (well, at first I guess). But since I was so intrigued by his odd square mystery, I exerted effort in getting to know him better. I figured, nobody can be that nice? He must still be human and must have some annoying quirks somehow. Curiouser and curiouser... Then guess what? I fell so in like with him, oh stupid me! How tragic. He was indeed nice, and also funny, smart and did I mention that he was also tall, dark, not so bad-looking, and quite athletic as well? Exactly my type, I'm dumbfounded. But as I said, he didn't have an ounce of flirt in his body. Every cute thing that he does, I can easily dismiss as "being nice". So in essence we remain, what you call that wretched term for platonic relationships? Aaaahhh, friends. Amen to that. No regrets though, it always make me smile when I think of him (fine, maybe 10 grams of disappointment also weighs in).
- Ah yes, so I've tackled my so called lovelife in the best brief way I can. Let's move on with the rest of the year. Hmmm... This did not have that strenuous impact on me but I have to let it out. It's just that I saw so much of my relatives!!! It was not normal anymore! There was a period when Saturdays and Sundays were spent with them for weeks on end. Oh my God, what a frenzy. It's actually a good thing, helped me forget about my heartache and my stress at work. But eventually it became too much, at least for me, a person who loves my quiet solitary time. It later died down though, after the last family wedding I think around January. The pace is now normal. Settled.
- And of course, the biggest change during the year! As I said, I applied in other companies. I quickly had some offers. But the one company that I was really anxious for a feedback took some time to get in touch with me. Yes, they did get in touch after a few months. This was the first time that I really demanded and negotiated for a fat paycheck. I signed on the day that I was offered. But apparently, I was told that I still had a relatively bad deal, they said I could've gotten heftier perks if I only asked for it, ::twak:: me. But well, everything was done. I contemplated on backing out since it seems that I was being shortchanged. Thank goodness, I did not do that, else I would've gotten the most pitiful career state among everyone. So yes, I finally moved to a new company.
(Losing the bullets...)
So this is my current state. My pay is good, and work is easy, a bit too easy to tell the truth. I have now the time and resources for other things in life. I've gotten a few money-munching hobbies. I'm saving up for a car (about two months more and I'm set), am able to buy my "necessities", and still able to provide for my family. Looks like I'm a very lucky overpaid biatch, so sue me.
Now, I am almost everything that my parents wants me to be, a successful and beautiful(bite me) cosmopolitan young woman (thank you Ara Mina, Aubrey Miles and Angel Locsin). Earning more than what I essentially need at this stage in life. I should be satisfied right? Yes I should. But unfortunately, I'm not. Before I entered into the work force, I knew exactly what industry I wouldn't want to venture. So, here I am in the heart of that field, in a company that boasts of that very industry. I'm here now because I needed a good job back then, you know, those twist of fate thingies. We were not doing very well financially and I still had a brother who was still in college. That was the obvious solution to our woes. I gave in, thinking that maybe I'll learn to love the work, sitting in front of the computer most of the day, working 9 hours, 5 days a week in the office. Well, honestly I did learn to appreciate it despite my heart's initial resistance. At some point, I think I even liked it, seriously. It improved the logic that was already built in my brain. But still, there's this feeling, constantly at the back of my heart and my head. Nudging me now and again, and lately really smacking me that this just isn't it. I can't fathom the thought of doing this job for a very long time. It's good, it helps in making people's lives better, but it's also not for me. I've always known that I don't want an 8-5 office work. And in this industry that I'm in, the products are all very intangible, a huge contrast to the course that I took up in school. I really wanted to be on the field, going out and about, feeling the sun on my skin and the sweat on my forehead (though maybe not all the time). Point is, I wanted a more physical work and products that I can see without looking at a computer monitor. Or service that doesn't require logging in to some system then racking my brain while navigating codes. I'm not really sure what I want but I'll start with my roots and then go from there. Anyway, the thought of wearing protective gear really excites me, so that's a good sign right?
I am aware that it's totally ridiculous to let go of my jackpot-ish job right now. So I won't. But I will take advantage of the "perks" that I'm getting from it. I don't do shifting and has no weekend work (at least for now). My office is in Quezon City, almost along Katipunan. And most importantly, I have a healthy paycheck. I plan to keep these blessings for as long as I can. So how will I utilize these? I plan to go back to school and take up masteral studies. It would be a very difficult feat which would require a some level of preparation, especially now that it's been almost two years since board exams and the nature of my work is far from related to my course. I also know that somewhere along my supposed studies, I'll have to give up work and totally shift careers. Thus, financial prep is also required since I know that starting salaries for my next job won't be as high as my current one.
This is not an overnight decision, I've thought about this for months now and gathered as much reality check as my heart can take. I also admit that I'm still in the process of psyching myself for my impending lifestyle change. But to tell you the truth, the thought of the challenge inspires me. Or maybe it's my masochistic persona in the works. But this is the only way that I can think of to smoothly ease in to the career transition that I plan to execute.
Nonetheless, I'm very satisfied with my plans. And if I do get to pull through all of this, I'll give myself a huge slap on the back! Also, like my bestfriend said, I might even be more receptive to the that thing called romance once I clear my life plans. I do want to settle down as well once I've gotten myself all figured out. Well, so far these are all still in the works, whatever moral support you'll offer me, I'll accept. Let's see, let's see.
Wish me luck please! *crossing fingers* :)
