Nakakapagod talaga maging masaya. These past few days, I feel that trying to be cheerful, bubbly or whatever, drains me. It drains me whenever I try to talk too much or get too involved in something. I don’t know if it’s because of burnout from school or from home or from my whole existence in this society altogether. I feel so unreal and everything else seems surreal. Whenever I’m in a crowded place and it’s just too damn noisy, it just exhausts me. Pakiramdam ko kasi hindi totoo ang lahat, ako’y nasa isang panaginip, at ang mga naririnig ko ay mga alingawngaw lamang.
Lately I’m truly finding refuge in my solitude. The hustle and bustle around me makes my head split. I‘ve been resorting to different vices and I don’t even understand why. Maybe because doing these things temporarily verifies my understanding that the world that I’m living in is just a big fraud, and that my being too is a fraud. Maybe because clouding my mind makes me forget all the stupid and meaningless thoughts that clutter my head. Or maybe I’m simply losing my mind. Shit, I need a shrink.
*O wag kang tumingin ng ganyan sa akin, huwag mo akong kulitin huwag mo akong tanungin. Kung iisipin mo di naman dati ganitokay bilis kasi ng buhay pati tayo natangay*
