Nightmares

I've been having terrible nightmares since monday. I don't know where these are coming from. Probably the heat, or you leaving, or my quarter life crisis. I really don't know.

Monday. I can't remember the exact dream, but I woke up with a very foul mood.
Tuesday. I dreamt that my tycoon level uncle lost his job. Then his family lost all their belongings and had to transfer to a smaller house near a squatter's area.

Wednesday. That same uncle died. And they were blaming it on his wife who, in my dream, was still alive. But in reality she was actually dead. Apparently, my uncle had a stroke during his sleep but my aunt thought he was just moaning because of a nightmare so she just shrugged it off. But it was already a severe heart attack and by the time my aunt woke up, he was dead.

In the dream, my family was already in shock and just heard the news. But since I own this dream, I was able to recap everything, saw what happened as if I was just floating in my aunt and uncle's room, witnessed his awful seizure and how my aunt just ignored it. What's more disturbing was that she was dead in the waking world. And in my dream the family that he left behind were thinking how they're gonna live without my uncle, the breadwinner of the family. How they're gonna pay for the house, the cars and other heavy expenses.

Then the latest, I dreamt of a pregnant girl (strangely portrayed by Rufa Mae Quinto) who, though she wanted to keep her baby, was pressured by her family to have an abortion. Eventually she kept it. But when she gave birth, it was a blue baby. And to make it worse, she conceived twins, two dead babies. :( Same night, I dreamt that the managers in the office gave us free snacks so we all ate heartily. Little did we know that in exchange for that cheap food was 230% utilization target! Sheesh, talk about a twisted version of Hansel and Gretel! It's so odd and creepy to think that my subconscious worries about my number of work hours.

Whenever I wake up I feel the weight in my chest and I have to stare in silence and breathe heavily for about 10 minutes. Lord help me, I'll make more frequent prayers.

This or That?

I took a long leave for April. Specifically April 1-6. I originally planned to go on a very long out of town vacation with strangers. I'll be with a group but still be alone in a way since I don't really know them. It was supposed to be some kind of pilgrimage. But I checked the group tour and slots are already full. I could still squeeze myself in but I'm rethinking my plan. Do I really need this?

Then I got to talk to a very close friend. For the past weeks she has been applying full blast for a job anywhere and everywhere. Then I remembered my plan to work in NZ to join my sis. But she advised that it would be better if I gain at least 5 years work experience before I go there. Job-hunting has been really tight over there and having a strong portfolio would greatly help. So that's where my shift of plans come in. I'm thinking of not going on the trip (or at least find something that's more low key) and spend more time updating my resume offline and online. I'm still thinking about it though. My mind has been set on spending quality me time so I still have to decide which way is better.