Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year everyone!!! Today I will try to jog off my overindulgence these past few days (keyword:try). I also want to spend some quiet solitary time in my beloved UP. No deep purpose, no need to reflect on life or anything. Just want to spend quality peace and quiet. No quangs, hahaha, shucks that's such an old joke!

Yeah, that's my January 1 to-do. Don't think, just meditate. :)

Reflections for 2009

Nice, the title is very reminiscent of the indakan piece, hehe. Eng'g Week spirit just doesn't die in me.

Anyway, let me start. I'm quite sick right now but I've been trying to sleep for 3 hours already, no luck so far. My head is starting to hurt from too much thinking. Therefore I'll try to write down thoughts, and this mostly covers a review of the year that passed.

Honestly, 2009 went by so quickly. It's one of the fastest, if not the fastest one that I've had thus far. It seems just like a few months extension of 2008. Not that it was bad. Actually it was a very blessed year to tell the truth. I feel that I received a lot of things that I didn't even ask for, and for that I'm very thankful and humbled. But I guess that's the reason why it went by so quickly. Though it wasn't exactly smooth sailing, there was relatively minimal conflict. My life was, should I say 'simple', for 2009. I've never been really used to this kind of life, the 'I ask for it, and I get it' type. I'm not saying that I've been having it ridiculously easy. But I can say that, compared to the previous years, I was able to get the things that I needed without too much fuss. But somehow, even though it's been breezy, I still feel that I'm missing out on a lot. I'm not sure how to place it, but when I attended one of our office meetings, our big boss hit it right smack: "Satisfaction, at some point, will eventually lead to discontent". In other words, just keep exploring what's out there. Satisfaction is good, but it's not constant. I couldn't agree more.

What I'm saying is, I'm not used to this kind of lifestyle. For a while it was all good, stable and secure. But I became too complacent. I guess I can say I'm the kind who doesn't mind going through the whole roller coaster struggle to get to some significant checkpoint. In short, it got boring. I'm not really asking for more, but right now I truly want something different. I guess convenience is not my thing, hehehe. I'm not asking for a TV-series worthy life but I'm getting tired of this on going safe, predictable routine.

So there. I think my point is, 2009 was a good stable year, no complains there. But for 2010, it's time to be more adventurous in many aspects of life, and I think I'm quite ready to be more risky. Go go go!!! Wow, I'm loving 2010 already!

Good luck to everyone, wish you all the best for 2010! Happy New Year! :)

The sweetest blessing that I got for 2009:

Cool huh? ; )

Kamusta naman?

So... Nawiwindang na naman ako therefore I have to review my progress to date in relation to my last "Ang mga plano ko" mode entries.

Starting off lightly, I just came back from my vacation. Being the person that I am, I won't pretend that I had a hyper super ecstatic fun time. But I did enjoy the vacation, not as hectic as my previous out-of-town trips. It was a go with the flow type of travel, chillax chillax mode lang. I didn't bother myself with OC-OC itineraries. I just wanted to spend time with my parents and act like their little girl once more, just tagging alongside them on a family trip, listening to my parents and relatives talk about our cool family heritage. So yep, almost five days worth of joyrides by land, sea and air. It was really... I guess nice is the perfect word, high quality type of nice. :)

When we passed by Iligan in Lanao del Norte, I saw the gigantic plants there. And I had to cry, literally. There were various sorts of plants, cement, steel, energy... etc. It hit me really hard, tears were welling up, I couldn't help it. Honestly, at this point I'm not really sure about myself and my willpower. I know how much is at stake if I really go through with my plans. It would really require a high magnitude leap of faith. I'm scared. Pushing through with it will mean risking our family's stability, security and my car. But not pursuing it will leave me forever asking a huge "What if?". I don't know anymore. Right now what my heart feels is this: Sadness and some sort of longing or maybe even envy every time I see those vast areas with gargantuan metal and concrete equipment; and a feeling that I'm spending so much time on something that I have very little passion for.

Ok, feel ko na mag-Tagalog...

Madalas iniisip ko sana sobrang mukha na lang akong pera, edi tapos na sana ang kalituhan ko. Kaso medyo mukhang pera lang ako e. Yung tipong, ok lang naman sa akin hindi ako sobrang makwarta basta masaya naman sa buhay. Pero mahirap talaga yung inaasahan ka ng pamilya, bawal maging makasarili, pag naghirap kasi ako ibig sabihin maghihirap din sila. Saka masaya naman kasi ako tuwing masaya sila kaya kaya pa sa ngayon. Hay, di ko lang alam kung ganito pa din pagkatapos ng isang taon. Dumadami pa naman yung nag-uudyok sa akin na yakapin na ang pagiging inhinyera ko. Sa ngayon, naka-on hold muna pag-enroll ko sa Masters. Tutal binabayaran ko pa naman sasakyan, no hurries baga. Pero pag next sem hindi pa din ako kumilos, aba iba na yon. re-evaluate na naman ulit ng buhay dapat.

Therefore, ayun. Wala pa naman akong masyadong progress sa orig na mga plano ko. Pero may bago akong pinasok, plug ko na din. Natuwa ako ng lubos sa Punong, yung fish pond ng pamilya namin sa province. Ang laki-laki! Alam ko namang 7 hectares siya, pero wala naman kasi akong idea kung ano yung physical na itsura ng pitong ektarya noh. Ayun, mag-i-invest ako dun sa next na cycle. Sana matuloy, sobrang excited ko na nga e!

Good luck good luck na lang. Review ulit ng buhay pag nasa mood. :D

Buhay Checklist

Sige, since nawiwindang at naiinip ako at hindi na talaga ako mapakali, gagawa ako ng checklist ng kung ano ba talagang gusto ko sa buhay:

1.) Bili ng kotse - Check
2.) Matapos bayaran ang kotse
3.) Pero habang pinagtratrabahuhan ang pambayad sa minamahal kong sasakyan, bawal magsayang ng oras kaya dapat magsimula na ako sa PAGMAMASTERALS ko. Sa ngayon, I'm thinking EnE...
4.).) Makapagshift ng career sa trabaho na sa tingin ko ay mas fulfilling at mas mae-enjoy ko
*Warning to self: Liliit ang sweldo mo, maghanda ka na, para hindi naman kawawa si family
5.) Masubukan makapagtrabaho at tumira sa iba't ibang bansa, sana naman magamit ko ang mga inaral ko
6.) Kapartner ng 5 ang travel the whole world drama
8.) Somewhere sa gitna ng 5 at 6, gusto kong maging tambay ng medyo matagal, mga 1 to 2 months at least pwede na. Hindi ako magttrabaho, hindi ako maghahanap ng trabaho, tunganga mode lang. Tambay nga.
7.) Dapat magawa ko ang 1 to 6 sa madaling panahon para pwede na akong mainlab nang hindi masyadong iniisip na baka makahadlang lang ito sa mga pangarap ko sa buhay
8.) Mainlab, mag-asawa, at maging nanay. Sana yung magiging asawa ko magaling sa buhay para kung maisipan ko mag-housewife lang, kering keri.

Ayun, syempre nasa huli talaga ng listahan ko ang love life. Ganun talaga, hindi pa siya kasama sa short term plans ko. Life muna. Hay sana matupad ko tong lahat ng to.

Point to Point

One year since my last post eh? Well, what do I have to show for myself since? I'll try to bulletize it first. Since April I have:

- "Broken up" with my former giant loser of a boy... whatever he was. He was one persistent son of a bitch, and just couldn't stop getting in touch and "staying friends" with me. Well, after a few runs of "Kelangan ko ng space" dramas, we're finally no longer in contact at all, which is of my own doing (wrote him an email, almost begging him to burn whatever bridge is still left between us). Well, I guess that really was the last wish and only thing that he could do for me after everything that happened in between.
- In the midst of that loveshit flurry, I did what I always do when I'm about to breakdown. I hibernate while looking for some drastic form of escape, not the destructive kind. In this case, I tried to look for a job in another company. Back then I thought that by doing this, I can just leave everything behind then start fresh as when I just got out of college. What came out of my jobhunt? Later...
- Still in the middle, someone else came along. This one is really hard to crack. He was the total opposite of my "ex". He's a quiet, reserved, simple, good-natured guy, too nice actually. You won't find a trace of malice in him (well, at first I guess). But since I was so intrigued by his odd square mystery, I exerted effort in getting to know him better. I figured, nobody can be that nice? He must still be human and must have some annoying quirks somehow. Curiouser and curiouser... Then guess what? I fell so in like with him, oh stupid me! How tragic. He was indeed nice, and also funny, smart and did I mention that he was also tall, dark, not so bad-looking, and quite athletic as well? Exactly my type, I'm dumbfounded. But as I said, he didn't have an ounce of flirt in his body. Every cute thing that he does, I can easily dismiss as "being nice". So in essence we remain, what you call that wretched term for platonic relationships? Aaaahhh, friends. Amen to that. No regrets though, it always make me smile when I think of him (fine, maybe 10 grams of disappointment also weighs in).
- Ah yes, so I've tackled my so called lovelife in the best brief way I can. Let's move on with the rest of the year. Hmmm... This did not have that strenuous impact on me but I have to let it out. It's just that I saw so much of my relatives!!! It was not normal anymore! There was a period when Saturdays and Sundays were spent with them for weeks on end. Oh my God, what a frenzy. It's actually a good thing, helped me forget about my heartache and my stress at work. But eventually it became too much, at least for me, a person who loves my quiet solitary time. It later died down though, after the last family wedding I think around January. The pace is now normal. Settled.
- And of course, the biggest change during the year! As I said, I applied in other companies. I quickly had some offers. But the one company that I was really anxious for a feedback took some time to get in touch with me. Yes, they did get in touch after a few months. This was the first time that I really demanded and negotiated for a fat paycheck. I signed on the day that I was offered. But apparently, I was told that I still had a relatively bad deal, they said I could've gotten heftier perks if I only asked for it, ::twak:: me. But well, everything was done. I contemplated on backing out since it seems that I was being shortchanged. Thank goodness, I did not do that, else I would've gotten the most pitiful career state among everyone. So yes, I finally moved to a new company.

(Losing the bullets...)

So this is my current state. My pay is good, and work is easy, a bit too easy to tell the truth. I have now the time and resources for other things in life. I've gotten a few money-munching hobbies. I'm saving up for a car (about two months more and I'm set), am able to buy my "necessities", and still able to provide for my family. Looks like I'm a very lucky overpaid biatch, so sue me.

Now, I am almost everything that my parents wants me to be, a successful and beautiful(bite me) cosmopolitan young woman (thank you Ara Mina, Aubrey Miles and Angel Locsin). Earning more than what I essentially need at this stage in life. I should be satisfied right? Yes I should. But unfortunately, I'm not. Before I entered into the work force, I knew exactly what industry I wouldn't want to venture. So, here I am in the heart of that field, in a company that boasts of that very industry. I'm here now because I needed a good job back then, you know, those twist of fate thingies. We were not doing very well financially and I still had a brother who was still in college. That was the obvious solution to our woes. I gave in, thinking that maybe I'll learn to love the work, sitting in front of the computer most of the day, working 9 hours, 5 days a week in the office. Well, honestly I did learn to appreciate it despite my heart's initial resistance. At some point, I think I even liked it, seriously. It improved the logic that was already built in my brain. But still, there's this feeling, constantly at the back of my heart and my head. Nudging me now and again, and lately really smacking me that this just isn't it. I can't fathom the thought of doing this job for a very long time. It's good, it helps in making people's lives better, but it's also not for me. I've always known that I don't want an 8-5 office work. And in this industry that I'm in, the products are all very intangible, a huge contrast to the course that I took up in school. I really wanted to be on the field, going out and about, feeling the sun on my skin and the sweat on my forehead (though maybe not all the time). Point is, I wanted a more physical work and products that I can see without looking at a computer monitor. Or service that doesn't require logging in to some system then racking my brain while navigating codes. I'm not really sure what I want but I'll start with my roots and then go from there. Anyway, the thought of wearing protective gear really excites me, so that's a good sign right?

I am aware that it's totally ridiculous to let go of my jackpot-ish job right now. So I won't. But I will take advantage of the "perks" that I'm getting from it. I don't do shifting and has no weekend work (at least for now). My office is in Quezon City, almost along Katipunan. And most importantly, I have a healthy paycheck. I plan to keep these blessings for as long as I can. So how will I utilize these? I plan to go back to school and take up masteral studies. It would be a very difficult feat which would require a some level of preparation, especially now that it's been almost two years since board exams and the nature of my work is far from related to my course. I also know that somewhere along my supposed studies, I'll have to give up work and totally shift careers. Thus, financial prep is also required since I know that starting salaries for my next job won't be as high as my current one.

This is not an overnight decision, I've thought about this for months now and gathered as much reality check as my heart can take. I also admit that I'm still in the process of psyching myself for my impending lifestyle change. But to tell you the truth, the thought of the challenge inspires me. Or maybe it's my masochistic persona in the works. But this is the only way that I can think of to smoothly ease in to the career transition that I plan to execute.

Nonetheless, I'm very satisfied with my plans. And if I do get to pull through all of this, I'll give myself a huge slap on the back! Also, like my bestfriend said, I might even be more receptive to the that thing called romance once I clear my life plans. I do want to settle down as well once I've gotten myself all figured out. Well, so far these are all still in the works, whatever moral support you'll offer me, I'll accept. Let's see, let's see.

Wish me luck please! *crossing fingers* :)