Our Office...

...is really turning into some kind of hell on earth...

Hello there!

Hello my blog! I missed you! Hehehe, I'm currently in a very confused state so I need you right now. I'm confused about so many things, about work, my sorta kinda boyfriend, and why I'm here and not with my family at home. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on the negative. So, I'll just make a bucket list of some of the things that I wanna do while I'm still alive hahaha:

1.) Travel to NZ - done
2.) Travel around Europe
3.) Learn drums
4.) Take swimming lessons
5.) Get married to the person I love most and have kids
6.) Lone travelling - done
7.) Bungy Jump - done
8.) Sky dive

Sunday

Today is Sunday, and it's a cloudy day!!! How ah? How to start this entry lah... :P It's been a rough few weeks at work. Me, Chay, Dax and all my other teammates have been struggling with all of the systems and issues pouring in to our plate. Then, there's our operations going 24/7 and our crappy seating arrangement. Chay and me have requested to move to a more secluded area since we've been having some minor harassment experiences in the office. Our difficult team lead was reluctant to grant the very simple request, and we were quite disappointed because of that. Anyway, I don't wanna dwell on that in this entry.

So all in all, work has been crappy. But somehow, I'm starting to feel better. Not because the situation is improving, but because my mood and outlook is beginning to get brighter. As my guy always says, this is just temporary. It's only work, and we have the type of work that's not really meant to make a person happy, hehe. Which means, I should focus on the more important things, love, friends, my family.

Now, I just pour my energy on one of my favorite hobbies, shopping!!! I'm doing some early christmas shopping for myself, my friends, and family. Great Malaysia Sale is just heaven! I don't even wanna buy things which are 50%, I only buy at 70% off or more hahaha. The sales here don't disappoint. :P

And lately I've been feeling grateful for having someone to share all of my good and bad experiences with. He's made my days more bearable. Talking to him at the end of the day makes me forget all the crappy stuff at work. This is so 8 years ago, but I have to put Dido's Thank You lyrics here, for my happy heart's sake ;-). Can't wait to see you in 3D at home...

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why
I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window
and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey,
but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad,
it's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay,
my head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today,
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
that I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad,
it's not so bad and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Push the door, I'm home at last
and I'm soaking through and through
Then you hand me a towel
and all I see is you
And even if my house falls down,
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me and

I want to thank you
for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life

Hope this works :|

I'm a very light sleeper. I can wake up just from my housemate's bathroom's closing door, the vibration of a phone on silent placed on top of a table separate from the bed, even with a very soft skype ping. So here, I searched for some tips to help me cope, especially with our looming 24/7 work hours. Hopefully this will work:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Tips-For-Light-Sleepers

Enough Waiting

I should stop waiting for things that are not coming. This is the absolute deal-breaker. One year is still suffer-able. But two years without any promise, I just can't do it anymore. I need to be strong, for myself and for my future.

Defrost

Time off today!!! I asked my team leader to give me an extra rest day using a bunch of crappy reasons. But since he was a guy, I made sure I looked really nice so he wouldn't say no hahaha. Girl power! Ok, that sounded really lame.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I maximized this day. I woke up at 11:30 am-ish, ate, and cleaned up a bit around the house. Then I decided to clean the 2nd floor ref shared by Dax, me and Chay. Well, it's about time. The freezer part was occupied by mostly ice and some frozen leftover meat which were starting to look like fossils. It felt very rewarding after, I threw all the weird smelling, fungus culture that was spoiled food, and the stuff look organized and neat :P. And for some reason, all that cleaning made me want to de-clutter my life via blogging, so here I am, writing again after a few months of absence.



I've been thinking about my future lately (wow, is this really me???). Nothing too concrete though, just a rough timeline of wishful plans.

First off, I need to do some serious saving. I've accepted the fact that I'll be staying here for a while, since the pay is good, life is cheap, and I'm too lazy to look for a job anywhere else. I need at least 2 years to be able to save up enough and pay off the car at the same time.


Then maybe I'll stay for another 2-3 months. The moolah that I'll get from these extra months, I'll allot to travel and leisure, first stop is to my beloved sister in NZ of course. Then I'll retire from SAP!!! Hahaha!!! After resigning, I'll do a bit of soul (and soulmate) searching, finding work that's really in the line with my passion and skills. These are some of the things that come to mind:

1.) Advertising
2.) Environmental Engineering
3.) Fashion-related work
4.) Architecture
5.) Make up artist
6.) Photographer
7.) Event planner

Hopefully, while I'm thinking of these things, I've invested on some business so that I'll also have a passive income. And there won't come a time when I'll need to sell my soul once I've used up all my hard-earned(?) money.

These are the only things I can think of for now. Told ya it's rough hahaha. Nevertheless, I'll pray as hard as I can for this. Lord help me...

Pondering On A Rainy Day

It's been raining since last night. Everyone's out to do one thing or another. I'm left at home because of some low key work so this is the perfect opportunity to sit back, relax and just write whatever's on my mind... Wow, this is harder than I thought haha.
Let me start with what I've been doing today. I woke up at 5:30 to do my activity. My colleague was a bit late so we triggered the job (that's what we call it in my technology) around 40 minutes behind. No worries though, after that, things went smoothly. Then I went back to sleep. Since I'm a light sleeper, I woke up once I started hearing noises outside my room. Looks like people are starting to get ready for the busy tour ahead. Again, I tried to go back to sleep. Tsong shouted at my door, saying that they'll be leaving. I answered a very sleepy "Sige ingat, enjoy...".

Hay Tsong... So you're the first failed conquest that I had here in Malaysia. So sad how badly you handled the situation. You said some very hurtful, unnecessary words. I'm not sure if that was really how you felt or you just panicked at the situation, because I must admit, I was asking too much too early. Either way, I dismiss this as irreversible and now it will be very hard to break down the wall between us. I've learned from the past and I don't want to be treated like a doormat ever again.

Anyway... While waiting for work to complete. I was able to pamper myself. Just ate something light, bread and cream cheese plus coffee. Read Elle, I mean, really read the articles, not the the usual scanning of fasyon whatnots. To my surprise, the articles of this mag are really good and insightful. There's an article about how the upbringing of parents unconsciously affects decisions that you make in your adulthood. Though there wasn't really anything that resembled mine, it had me thinking how so far my choices are related to how my Mama and Papa brought me up.

My mother was no doubt a fortress. She would pull through every tight and difficult situation. Despite lack of resources, she would be able to maximize every little thing that we own. She would stretch every peso and find ways to make ends meet. She knew that me and my sister were academically inclined so she enrolled us in schools with scholarships, free but quality education. And despite odds, she would retain her tall, strong and proud composure. On the other hand, I'm very sorry to say, but I really think that my father was the weaker link of the pair (I hope he doesn't get to read this). Don't get me wrong. He's a very good man, with good intentions. Everybody loves him and he gave me my crazy sense of humor, one of my best weapons in life. But he lacked the ambition and the foresight to have a better future for our family. When he gets to hold a huge amount of money, he would squander it. Give some to me and my sibs, buy stuff we want but not really need, then spend the rest on his vices. He wouldn't think first of paying bills, or spending it on some money-generating cause. Family is not his main priority. He didn't even come to my elementary and high school graduation if I remember correctly. That's just how he thinks, we just eventually learned to live with it. Ironically, despite his happy-go-lucky ways, he had very high standards for us, especially me and my sister. He couldn't stand tutoring us with school lessons because he didn't have enough patience for dim-wittedness. He taught us how to sing. But whenever we sang well during practices, he wouldn't congratulate us. He would just say "Ok, good", then walk away. Because of this, though I know I have a decent voice and I love music, I don't really enjoy singing as much as other performers do. A bit sad really. With him, I learned to be a disciplined person. "Always be on yours toes!", "Have a sense of urgency!", "Do your best, expect the worst!". He would say things like that. He taught me pessimism that would push you to do your best because you'll be too afraid of bad consequences.

But it's fine, I grew up to be a fairly good person (I think :P). I became a very independent person, too independent actually. Too guarded. I find it a bit hard to ask for help. I'm quite private, sharing very personal experiences doesn't come too easily for me. Maybe I too have standards that are a bit higher that the usual. I can't help it.

I also took a long shower, cleaned my nails, lounge around the house. I'll finally try the Clarins mattifying set that I got as a Christmas gift for myself, so excited. And to cap off my day, I'll open that bottle of chocolate liquor that I grabbed from the airport. Not a bad way to spend a day at home "working", hahaha. In between, I was even able to plan and book flights for my ASEAN tour with my sister. Very productive day indeed! :D

False Alarm

Well, that was something else, hahaha. Looks like I've really changed a lot. Maybe 1 year ago, I would have never done what I did yesterday. I'm not a very confrontational person, I'll usually just stay quiet until things blow over.

But this time, I just couldn't contain my feelings, especially under the circumstances. I had to talk and figure it out with him as soon as possible. Nevertheless, I think it went just fine. I got my answer, I felt the pain, then I got over it. I'm so amazed at myself for handling this with such a level head. And good thing that I was able to put out the fire before it spread all over my sanity. This is another one I'll charge to experience.

"Forgive all that hurt you, forget none that helped you."

Random New Year Whatnots

2011. For some reason, I'm not too excited for this year. The number 2011 feels so blah for me. Nevertheless, I'll do what I can to make the most of it. 2010 was great, tons of travel, met a lot of new people, fell in and out and in like (go figure). And of course, I got an opportunity to work abroad, one of the best experiences of my life so far.

2011. Before it ended I was able to go to my home country, my boss is simply the best. She gave me 1.5 weeks worth of leaves despite my meager 1.5 months of being employed. I had the chance to be with my family and friends. Though I might say, its gonna probably take a while before I go back home. It was quite stressful. My homecoming was a bit premature. I haven't been away from home long enough to miss even the things that I hated, hehe.

2011. Yes, I met someone else. Someone unexpected. It's all still quite new so I don't know what to make of it yet. All I can say is that we've become a bit more than comfortable with each other. I'll just leave it at that.

2011. I don't have high expectations for you, but I'll compensate it with my efforts. So please make something out of yourself. :)